Cotton Candy On A Rainy Day by Nikki Giovanni
The trials and tribulations of wanting change, both for yourself and others.
Cotton Candy on a Rainy Day
Don’t look now
I’m fading away
Into the gray of my mornings
Or the blues of every night
Is it that my nails
keep breaking
Or maybe the corn
on my second little piggy
Things keep popping out
on my face
or
of my life
It seems no matter how
I try I become more difficult
to hold
I am not an easy woman
to want
They have asked
the psychiatrists psychologists politicians and
social workers
What this decade will be
known for
There is no doubt it is
loneliness
If loneliness were a grape
the wine would be vintage
If it were a wood
the furniture would be mahogany
But since it is life it is
Cotton Candy
on a rainy day
The sweet soft essence
of possibility
Never quite maturing
I have prided myself
On being in that great tradition
albeit circus
That the show must go on
Though in my community the vernacular is
One Monkey Don’t Stop the Show
We all line up
at some midway point
To thread our way through
the boredom and futility
Looking for the blue ribbon and gold medal
Mostly these are seen as food labels
We are consumed by people who sing
the same old song STAY:
as sweet as you are
in my corner
Or perhaps just a little bit longer
But whatever you do don’t change baby baby don’t
change
Something needs to change
Everything some say will change
I need a change
of pace face attitude and life
Though I long for my loneliness
I know I need something
Or someone.
Or.....
I strangle my words as easily as I do my tears
I stifle my screams as frequently as I flash my smile
it means nothing
I am cotton candy on a rainy day
the unrealized dream of an idea unborn
I share with the painters the desire
To put a three-dimensional picture
On a one-dimensional surface
Hello and welcome to words that burn the podcast taking a closer look at poetry today’s poem is Cotton Candy On A Rainy Day by Nikki Giovanni and comes from her 1980 collection of the same name. (Giovanni 1980)
Change is hard, it’s a well worn statement. It can be difficult for us personally to go through, it can be difficult for others to accept. Despite all that the hardest aspect of it may be when change fails to come and we are trapped in the same relentless situations.
This poem tackles change in its many frustrating forms. It comes at a point of tremendous change in the poet's own life. In many ways it symbolises a massive transition in the viewpoint and beliefs of the poet. (Giovanni 1980, Blurb)
It is difficult to fully estimate Nikki Giovanni’s impact on American history. She was a key figure in the civil rights and black artists movements, becoming a power voice for change and feminism in particular. (Clarke 2005)
Born in 1943, Giovanni began writing during the civil rights movement in the 1960’s and in the early days of her career was heavily inspired by that movement and the black power movement in particular. During those early formative years, her approach to activism could have been considered militant as much of the black power movement was. The only way forward for many people in those desperately discriminatory times was by any means necessary (Joseph 2007).
Over time Giovanni came to recognise that this hardline approach was not necessarily the most effective. She explored that personal dilemma in a very obvious way in poems like Revolutionary dreams which is linked below in the description. In many ways her change of heart was born with the realisation that the civil rights movement was, in some ways, prioritising male equality and that black women would still be expected to take a back seat so to speak. (Clarke 2005).
This revelation saw a shift in the style of poetry that Giovanni wrote., neatly encapsulated in this collection.
Giovanni saw that shift in perspective as personal growth but others especially those in the black power movement saw it as betrayal. Here is the poet herself discussing it in an interview in 1980:
(Heningberg & Giovanni 1980)
Giovanni herself confirms in the interview this poem is all about dealing with the consequences of change.
I’ve chosen to analyse the poem in 4 distinct sections.
Section one deals with ageing and change, section two with the loneliness that ironically accompanies changing and personal growth. Section three is dealing with those who don’t want you to change and section for with the frustration of waiting for change.
Section one deals with Giovanni’s personal introspection and is a hallmark of the new personal style she pioneers in the collection. (Juhasz 1975)
Don’t look now
I’m fading away
Into the gray of my mornings
Or the blues of every night
Is it that my nails
keep breaking
Or maybe the corn
on my second little piggy
Things keep popping out
on my face
or
of my life
It seems no matter how
I try I become more difficult
to hold
I am not an easy woman
to want
That strong imperative beginning;’ don’t look now' is typical of the direct style of poetry that has led to Giovanni’s enduring appeal of the years. it instantly prompts the reader to pay attention to something that may or may not be about to happen. Giovanni explains that they are fading away the colours grey and blue seeming to hint at some depression or hopelessness that may be plaguing them, all do both in their mornings and their evenings.
Giovanni poses an open ended question about the source of their woes is their brokens nails or tired feet, this I think is a clever reference to Giovanni’s years of hoisting protest banners and walking in marches. She is utterly jaded.
Giovanni continues wondering if it is the blemishes on their faces that make their life dull or the unexpected events of a life that keep popping out that keeps them blue.
There is a real melancholy and a note of resentment in the lines It seems no matter how
I try I become more difficult to hold. I took this to mean that the more work Giovanni puts into their life, the more she grows and The more she receives rejection or distance from others. She states that she is not an easy woman to want a recognition of how society views her as opposed to how she might feel about herself.
The scope of the poem shifts from introspective to global In the second section. These negative emotions that Giovanni is feeling personally become an affliction for everyone. She invokes voices of reason and expertise to define the coming decade of the 80’s loneliness will be the defining factor.
It’s no wonder then that loneliness is a core topic in some of her poetry. It becomes the focus of the entire second section of this poem:
They have asked
the psychiatrists psychologists politicians and
social workers
What this decade will be
known for
There is no doubt it is
loneliness
If loneliness were a grape
the wine would be vintage
If it were a wood
the furniture would be mahogany
But since it is life it is
Cotton Candy
on a rainy day
The sweet soft essence
of possibility
Never quite maturing
I have prided myself
On being in that great tradition
albeit circus
That the show must go on
Though in my community the vernacular is
One Monkey Don’t Stop the Show
We all line up
at some midway point
To thread our way through
the boredom and futility
Looking for the blue ribbon and gold medal
Mostly these are seen as food labels
The final lines of this section address a real shift in the civil rights movement in the early 80’s. The once ironclad bonds of activism had diminished greatly during the seventies (Asante 2013) and Giovanni felt that change acutely.
Giovanni felt that loneliness earlier than most as she transition from militant politics to a more feminist approach through the 1970’s earned her little more than a wave of backlash. Academic Jennifer Walters provides an excellent summary of that fallout in her article ‘’ Nikki Giovanni and Rita Dove: Poets Redefining.” (Walters 2000). She writes:
As Giovanni's ideas regard- ing Black identity and "revolution" evolved, so did her poetry. Because she involved personal issues and poems in her next volumes, leaders of the movement accused her of "selling out," and Haki Madhubuti even stated "she lacked the sophistication of thought demanded of one with pretensions of a 'political see'."' (Harris 1984, 129)3 Across the board, critics seemed to condescend to her instead of critique her poetry, saying her words lacked substance, style and maturity.'4 (Walters 2000)
That series of comparisons between loneliness and grapes and mahogany makes it clear that the feeling is old and constantly fermenting and maturing or at least it would be if it weren’t closer to the poem's title, loneliness is cotton candy. Constantly dissolving. For such a colourful image it's actually quite sad in its practicality thanks to the lines; The sweet soft essence
of possibility
Never quite maturing
I’ve taken them to mean that being alone should be an opportunity to write, should be a chance for the poet herself to mature and to reflect but just like cotton candy is reduced to nothing when times are bad.
Giovanni goes on to take stock of her own stoicism in the face of rainy days. Even citing her ability to keep going as a point of personal prize. Within the statement she recognises the absurdity of attempting to take everything in her stride, she writes albeit circus. There is the notion in the words in the great tradition that she is not the first to employ this grit your teeth and get through attitude . There is a hint that it has been passed down through generations, echoing both her own experiences and that of the black community.
She takes a moment to once again reengage with any reader from any background. Taking a moment to step away from the grand English idiom the show must go on. She instead chooses to fall back on the language she grew up with the people in my community. ; one monkey don’t stop the show. It is once again testament to the way in which she appeals to a wide swathe, taking care to never truly alienate a potential reader.
That inclusivity is reinforced when Giovanni changes from I and my statements to we in the next line. That universal we is used to speak about the complex emotions that lead to feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction. Words like boredom and futility help to illustrate just how the poet is feeling in that moment. The sports analogy of lining up and looking for the blue ribbon and gold medal once again highlights the occasional absurdity of the way in which we seek approval from others and how consequently we compete with each other. She ensures that we the reader understand how pointless these labels are by stating:
Mostly these are seen as food labels.
It’s interesting to note that even though Giovanni has pivoted to a more personal style of poetry, thoughts of community and more specifically how we interact with each other are never far from her writing. She truly believes that poetry is a language for all people, once writing that:
Poetry is the culture of a people. We are poets even
when we don't write poems; just look at our life, our
rhythms, our tenderness, our signifying, our sermons and
our songs. …We are all preachers because we are One . (Juhasz 1975)
Despite her deep sense of community, she has always been candid about how too much time with people can drive you a little mad. She stated once in an interview that ‘’
I try to like people, by the way. I do. But then they make you mad.’’ (Marchese and Giovanni 2021)
This seems to be a long held opinion of Giovanni’s as the next section proves:
We are consumed by people who sing
the same old song STAY:
as sweet as you are
in my corner
Or perhaps just a little bit longer
But whatever you do don’t change baby baby don’t
change
Something needs to change
Everything some say will change
I need a change
of pace face attitude and life
Though I long for my loneliness
I know I need something
Or someone.
There is something inherently negative and sinister in the word consumed. She speaks of an interesting mantra that those against growth chant; STAY . She outlines the flattery that those who want you to remains as you are employ to try and make it happen:
Stay as sweet as you are. The adjective reinforces the image of cotton candy once more. The change of format here splits Giovanni's lines with empty words and platitudes on the right and the more insidious agenda on the left.
Stay in my corner/ just a little bit longer
But whatever you do / dont change
The new format exposes the self serving nature of such requests. The interview clip earlier in the episodes proved how little Giovanni cared about these requests.
She creates a statement of her own; something needs to change to recognize both her own situation and her societies.
There is a slow spacing next when she recognises another universal truth; everything will change.
The perspective shifts from global to personal once again when she says I need a change. Her everything is meticulous and spaced clearly forcing her reader to slow down and take stock of precisely what she’s saying.
The final lines of the section clarify that the loneliness she spoke about earlier was not negative and the vintage she spoke of was positive. She says she longs for her loneliness but once again is forced to recognise that she needs something or someone.
That dichotomy of Giovanni’s sense of community versus her individualism is perfectly exemplified in her words here. She recognises her own paradox and indeed the one inherent in any form of change. Personal growth is driven by our own consciousness, but at the same time requires the support of others to be successful. Without it there is every chance they won’t succeed.
They are two opposing forces within this poem, each dragging the other in the opposite direction; the will to change versus the want to belong.
The sheer frustration arising from these immovable objects meeting unstoppable forces is the central focus of the final section.
Or.....
I strangle my words as easily as I do my tears
I stifle my screams as frequently as I flash my smile
it means nothing
I am cotton candy on a rainy day
the unrealized dream of an idea unborn
I share with the painters the desire
To put a three-dimensional picture
On a one-dimensional surface
Everything in the poem hinges on that or… should the poet embrace the dichotomy and commit to being alone and shun those that would keep her the same? Or should she choose to belong instead? In the end it is impossible for her to decide. She is forced instead to commit a strange act of masochism, self harm, she must strangle her words, her clever retorts, her mantras of defiance much like she does with her emotions, her tears.
She must stifle her screams and wear the mask of an insincere smile. She is forced to confront the idea that she is nothing more than cotton candy on a rainy day. Her own worth is futile in the face of the grim reality she and her community are faced with. The bleak existentialism bordering on absurdism is driven home by the previous line: it means nothing.
There is a strange grappling with the state of the civil rights movement in the works, the unrealised dream of an idea unborn. Her new journey forces her to confront whether or not she has betrayed her previous ideals or somehow let down her movement. It was a crisis that many black women , who later prioritzed feminism, were forced to deal with as they moved throughout the seventies. (Clarke 2005).
The poem ends with a powerful image:
I share with the painters the desire
To put a three-dimensional picture
On a one-dimensional surface
Nikki Giovanni wants to build a better world, it is a dream she has pursued for her entire career, as an activist, a poet and later an academic. She still strives for these things today (French 2007). Yet at this moment in Giovanni’s past, that want for a better world seems like an impossible task; much like successfully recreating a 3d object in art. We can employ illusions and techniques to give the illusion on paper but ultimately they are two different dimensions that simply can’t be reconciled. She shares this desire with great artists but knows that it may never happen.
Nikki Giovanni has been described as a living legend (Voutiritsas 2021) and so it is always interesting to compare the perspective of such a long lived and important figure at the beginning of their career vs now. The poem ends on an unexpectedly pessimistic note and yet the poet herself has never stopped fighting for equality for all, never ceased in educating others in how to do the same. I think this poem is a perfect depiction of the deep sense of injustice Nikki Giovanni has felt for most of her life and more importantly a testament to the effort she has consistently brought to bear to change it.
In the end the nature of change is not as ambiguous to Giovanni today as it was when she wrote this poem. In the end, from her perspective it can only be a good thing.
What did you think of the poem? I’d like to point out as always that this is my interpretation and I’d love to hear yours. You can get in touch with me in a few different ways. I'm on instagram and twitter in case you’d like bonus content. You can find the show notes of this episode on Substack at the link in the description
References
Asante, Dedrick. 2013. “The Reagan Era: Turning Back Racial Equality Gains.” HuffPost, March 11, 2013. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-reagan-eraturning-bac_b_2838625.
Clarke, Cheryl. 2005. "After Mecca": Women Poets and the Black Arts Movement. New Jersey: Rutgers University Press.
French, Philip. 2007. “In praise of Nikki Giovanni | Poetry.” The Guardian, April 22, 2007. https://www.theguardian.com/world/2007/apr/22/usgunviolence.poetry.
Giovanni, Nikki. 1980. Cotton Candy on a Rainy Day. N.p.: HarperCollins.
Heningberg, Guy, and Nikki Giovanni. 1980. “Interview,” Poet Nikki Giovanni interviewed by Guy Heningburg. In TV. Instagram. Television.
Joseph, Peniel E. 2007. Waiting 'Til the Midnight Hour: A Narrative History of Black Power in America. New York: Henry Holt and Company.
Juhasz, Suzanne. 1975. “‘A Sweet Inspiration . . . of My People’: The Art of Nikki Giovanni.” Frontiers: A Journal of Women Studies 1 (1): 130–46. https://doi.org/10.2307/3346425.
Marchese, David, and Nikki Giovanni. 2021. “Nikki Giovanni Has Made Peace With Her Hate.” The New York Times (New York), 2021. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/12/27/magazine/nikki-giovanni-interview.html.
Voutiritsas, Thea. 2021. “Nikki Giovanni: The Living Legend.” Read Poetry. https://www.readpoetry.com/nikki-giovanni/.
Walters, Jennifer. 2000. “Nikki Giovanni and Rita Dove: Poets Redefining.” The Journal of Negro History 85 (3): 210–17. https://doi.org/10.2307/2649078.